Sentences Only Parents Say.

I think every parent remembers the feeling they had when they first uttered a sentence they never in a million years thought would come out of their mouth. I remember it. I don't exactly remember what it was, but I remember an overwhelming feeling of "Wow, I am officially a parent. My childless self would have never had any imaginable reason to say that sentence."

Well now it happens on an almost-daily basis. I hardly flinch when it happens anymore, but sometimes it is just so ridiculous that it's hard for me to even believe. So I started writing down some of my favorites.

Without further ado, here is my first installment of Sentences Only Parents Say:

"Honey, your back is attached to you so it's always touching you."

"You may not kiss your brother's butt. We only kiss lips, cheeks, & sometimes hands."

"You don't give shots on peoples' faces!"

"Buddy, don't lick your sister's nose."

"Stop kissing the wall! That's gross...and really weird."

"Babe, they don't put pepper in gummies. Sugar? Yes. Pepper? No."

"No licking belly buttons."

"Don't hit the baby with the bobblehead."

"You can like the baby. You may not lick the baby."

"We don't stand on the couch and we certainly don't stand on our sister."

"Your feet aren't exactly clean so please don't put your string cheese stick between your toes."

"Do not eat the noodles that are stuck to your Skyline chair!"

(Upon further review of these, I've determined that I really need to just staple Joe's mouth shut. I'm shuddering remembering some of these situations.)