Bittersweet ending.

We are in love with these 2 kids we already have. They are the perfect mix of both of their parents: smart, sassy, hilarious, stubborn. The conversations we have with them are mind-blowing. On top of all of it, they're becoming more and more independent every day. They can clear their own spot at the dinner table, take up their laundry & put it away, get their own shoes/pajamas/etc. The independence is amazing!

So when the topic of a 3rd baby came up, we had almost a full year of discussions and debates about whether or not our family was already "complete". After all, we were in a groove with the kids and getting to a point where they needed us for much less. We are happy as a family of 4 & could easily have stayed that way.

People have joked with me/implied that this wasn't planned, as if no one would actually choose to have more than 2 kids, especially since we already have a boy & a girl. We didn't enter into this 3rd pregnancy lightly. This child was very much prayed for, wanted, and planned. We decided it was the best decision for our family and crossed our fingers that we'd be blessed with another sweet little one. Our prayers were answered, and in just a few short days, that little one will become the 5th member of our family. While I can't guarantee anything, I'm pretty sure this child will finally "complete" us.

That being said, I'm fairly confident that these are the last few days I will ever be pregnant. Though I'm definitely wishing away every minute I have left (PLEASE COME OUT SOON, BABY!), this thought is not lost on me. These are the last kicks I will feel, the last moments I'll have feeling a child roll around inside my belly, the last nights I'll lie awake wondering what my child is going to be like. There are so many things I'm going to miss.

I'm going to miss resting my hand on my belly. It's a completely natural thing, something I don't even realize I'm doing most of the time. It's like my way of protecting my child before he's here.
I'm going to miss the outpouring of positive attention that comes with pregnancy. A pregnant belly is one of the few things that garners constant smiles from strangers.
I'm going to miss Expectant Mother parking spots.
I'm going to miss guilt-free eating.
I'm going to miss feeling the baby hiccupping. That's a complete lie; I will most definitely NOT miss that. (Weirdest feeling ever.)
I'm going to miss using my belly as a shelf. Seriously. It holds a bowl of ice cream so your hands don't get cold. It's the perfect place to rest my hand while I paint my nails. Last week, it held my phone to keep Joe entertained while I held his hands during his breathing treatments. It's an incredibly handy thing.
I'm going to miss the excitement and anticipation of expecting a new child. There really is no feeling like it.

Even though I'm incredibly uncomfortable and really, really ready to be done, I know that my pregnant days are numbered. And it's bittersweet. I've been blessed with this three times and I'll be forever grateful.

40 weeks.

Baby Reeder (and Mama!) at 40w0d

How far along?: 40 weeks, 0 days
Total weight gain/loss: I'm big enough. 
Sleep: Still pretty good. The number of times I have to get up to pee seems to have picked up though. And my left hip really hurts by the time I get up for the day.
Movement: Slowing down, but getting even more painful.
Labor Signs: Well, I'm praying that all of this pain I've been in the last 48 hours is the baby dropping. It's been incredibly rough. I'm getting very intense pressure and pains at the bottom of my belly, many of which are making me stop in my tracks. There aren't consistent contractions to go with it, so I know it's not the start of labor or anything.
Food cravings: Sugar. Just all of it.
Gender: I can count on 2 hands how many days are left until we find out!!
New w/pregnancy #3: I've reached my due date and I'm not angry about it. With Brooke, I was so depressed when I got to my due date; I had naively hoped I'd be one of those women that had early babies. Then with Joe, everyone kept saying "Oh, a lot of 2nd babies come early! It might be different this time!" And I believed them. So when 4o weeks rolled around and I wasn't even close, I was so frustrated! This time? Hell, I never expected to have my baby today. That's why the calendar we gave the kids says "Baby Week" for this entire week and why we never told them I was due on Easter. So, with no expectation to actually be holding my baby today, I'm pretty at peace with the extra week. (I think that means I'm growing up.)
What I miss: I miss the early days of this pregnancy when I was always cold. Now that the weather is warming up (which is THE GREATEST THING EVER, by the way), I couldn't possibly be hotter. The A/C is jacked up in our house (b/c we can't open the windows, thanks to some recent allergy issues we're having with the kids) and I'm still roasting.
What I am looking forward to: This is an easy one...having my baby.
Best moment this week: Car seat is installed, hospital bag is (mostly) packed, everything is in place! I'm doing one last giant push of laundry tomorrow, and then both my bag and the kids' bags will be totally ready to go. This is really it, you guys!
Milestones: Today is my due date. We'll go with that one.

Just for kicks, here's a comparison of my bellies at 40 weeks with all 3 kiddos (Brooke's is actually 40w2d on the left, then Joe at 40w0d in the middle, and Rocket on the right from today.) They say black is slimming, but this baby appears to be the big winner!

Perspective with #3.

I've just about completed my 3rd pregnancy. Each pregnancy comes with a whole wave of perspective that can only come with experience. I can only imagine what kind of wisdom my mom had by pregnancy #6. Now that I can see the finish line, I've realized that there are some glaring differences between my first pregnancy and this third one.

Pregnancy #1: I didn't walk around at the end, I floated. Don't get me wrong, I looked like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade float. But I felt like I was on a cloud, all proud of my bump & blissfully unaware of how gigantic I was.
Pregnancy #3: I'm VERY VERY aware of how gigantic I am right now. And I am equally aware of the fact that I am not, in fact, floating around but waddling quite awkwardly as I carry around 40 extra pounds.

Pregnancy #1: I struggled with insomnia the last 2 weeks before my induction. I'd wake up to pee and then my mind would start fantasizing about life with a newborn & I'd be wide awake. I was up for 1-2 hours in the middle of each night, snacking on the couch and playing around on the computer by the light of the Christmas tree. I then napped during the day to make up for the lack of sleep.
Pregnancy #3: I'm sleeping like a champ. Thanks to the little crazies I chase around all day, I am beyond exhausted. I am asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow. There's no fantasizing; I know that in less than 2 weeks I'm never going to sleep again, so I'm enjoying what I can get now.

Pregnancy #1: I assumed everyone thought I was such an adorable pregnant lady.
Pregnancy #3: I can see the look of pity in your eyes. I see you staring at me as I struggle to walk through the grocery store. And I definitely saw you -Lady at that funeral visitation- look at me, shake your head, and sigh as you passed me. I get that you've never seen anyone look more pregnant, certainly not helped by the fact that my maternity clothes are too small making me look that much bigger.

Pregnancy #1: The night before I was induced, I mentioned to my mom that my belly kept getting super tight and uncomfortable. She explained to me that these were contractions. Completely & blissfully unaware.
Pregnancy #3: For 3 months, I've been having contractions. Three months. Lately, a few have even stopped me in my tracks. Three. Months. Of. Contractions. People.

Pregnancy #1: I pulled a suitcase out of the near-empty closet in the spare bedroom the day I hit 36 weeks. I filled it with everything baby & I would need, including freshly washed newborn sleepers & sanitized pacifiers for both genders. I packed pre-pregnancy shirts and sweats for the ride home. I had snacks and magazines ready and started a list of what we'd need to throw in at the last minute when my water broke and we were rushing out the door to get to the hospital.
Pregnancy #3: I'm thinking about getting the suitcase out of the basement tomorrow. (We used to have empty closets? What the hell is a spare bedroom?) Then I'll have to wait until the next day to fill it because I'll be out of breath from going all the way downstairs to get it. We got a free pacifier in our "You're pregnant!" gift bag from the OB's office, so I'll sanitize that one to take. (Our baby girl can use a lime green pacifier for a night in the hospital, right?) And instead of packing them, I'll set the size 3 month sleepers we bought on my washing machine for one of my family members to come wash overnight while we're in the hospital. No sense in wasting money on a sleeper that might be the wrong gender or size (you know, when this 11-pounder comes out and needs size 6 months from the start.) I'll pack maternity shirts & large drawstring sweats for myself, remembering how sobering it was to put on those pre-pregnancy shirts after my first delivery. (When you still look 6 months pregnant the day after pushing out a 9.5 lb baby, you almost cry.) I won't bother with a last-minute list because I'll have plenty of time to leisurely finish packing the bag next week on the morning of my induction.

Pregnancy #1: I thought I knew exactly what it was going to be like to have a baby & become a mother.
Pregnancy #3: I realize that I knew nothing about what it was going to be like to have a baby & become a mother to my first child. I also realize that I knew nothing about what it'd be like to have 2 children. Likewise, I understand that I know nothing about what it will be like to have 3 children. But I do know what it's like to be a mother. I know what it's like to bring home your fresh-from-the-womb newborn, to pull away from the hospital with that feeling of "I can't believe they just let us leave the hospital with this tiny person." I know how hard those first 72 hours are, when the baby's needs greatly exceed the amount of energy you have yet you somehow manage to make it through. And I know how quickly my heart will burst as I watch my perfect little family become even more perfect.

Single digits!

How far along?: 39 weeks, 0 days
Total weight gain/loss: ???
Sleep: I wish I could explain how difficult it is to get out of bed. And our kids have had some really rough nights lately, so I'm up & down a half dozen times a night. Getting back in bed isn't a picnic either. There is one position that is comfortable and supportive enough, and it takes some serious effort to get all 7 (yes, 7) of my pillows situated just right. I'm out of breath by the time I finally get settled.
Movement: Definitely slowing down.
Labor Signs: BH contractions all the time, including almost every time I stand up. But, sadly, nothing real.
Food cravings: Anything baked with lots of sugar.
Gender: Joe won't accept that a girl is a possibility. Brooke secretly hopes it's a girl but keeps saying she thinks it's a boy because she likes to be on my "team". The husband is convinced it's a girl because he doesn't feel lucky enough to get 2 boys. And me? I really, really mean it when I say I'm not hoping for one gender over the other. I have loved raising a girl & a boy; both have their challenges, but both are incredibly awesome as well. All that being said, I really think Rocket is a boy.
New w/pregnancy #3: I've never had swelling late in my pregnancies before this one. It just started in the past few days, & I'm not so much a fan. I feel severely dehydrated no matter how much water I've had. Here's hoping this isn't a sign of things to come. I did have some killer swelling in my legs after I delivered Brooke. We're talking scared-my-husband swelling, took-pictures-or-we'd-never-believe-how-insane-it-was swelling. Really hoping to avoid that this time.
What I miss: Breathing while bending down to pick something up.
What I am looking forward to: The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter & brighter! Almost there!
Best moment this week: I did the first load of baby laundry this week. I may or may not have stood in my laundry room just inhaling that intoxicating Dreft scent. (I totally did.) Love it so much!
Milestones: SINGLE DIGITS.

38 down, 2 to go.

Baby Reeder at 38w0d

How far along?: 38 weeks, 0 days
Total weight gain/loss: I'm not keeping track anymore. I'll end this pregnancy up around 40 lbs, which is just slightly more than I gained with Joe. Doesn't bother me in the least. Between breastfeeding & carrying around a bruiser baby, I'm confident I'll be able to manage it quickly.
Sleep: Ugh. I've been congested for 2+ solid weeks now, so I have to sleep almost upright to breathe. On top of that, we've had a handful of rough nights with the kids this week. The ONE night Joe has slept completely through the night in the past 2 months, I was up with Brooke twice :/ I also had glimpses of insomnia this week. That really ramped up for me in the last few weeks of my previous pregnancies, so I'm waiting for it to start getting worse.
Movement: The frequency has slowed down a tiny bit, but the intensity is growing as Rocket grows. Poor thing is completely out of room. I've noticed a lot of what are either feet or fists poking out of the sides of my belly this week.
Labor Signs: I'm having Braxton Hicks contractions all day every day. I've had 2 in the last 10 minutes as I type this. They aren't painful as much as they are just really uncomfortable.
Food cravings: I have had an insatiable appetite this weekend. All sugar all the time.
Gender: We're going to take a blue & a pink blanket to the hospital, but I really don't think that pink one will be coming out of the suitcase.
New w/pregnancy #3: I think I'm actually nesting, which is definitely not something I've ever experienced. Our kitchen has been much less cluttered (notice I didn't say clean) than normal the past couple of months. In fact, we've all been doing a much better job of keeping our main living spaces pretty tidy. (The husband has been waiting almost 6 years for this. Too bad it'll probably all go to hell again when we're in the thick of raising 3 kids in a couple weeks!)
What I miss: I would've loved a glass of wine yesterday...
What I am looking forward to: I started pulling out teeny tiny onesies and teeny tiny socks and other teeny tiny baby things from our bins in the basement. It's so hard to believe it's been 2.5 years since we've used these things! As the days we have remaining are truly numbered now, it's starting to become more and more real that a teeny tiny baby is on its way to fill those little things :)
Best moment this week: The kids and I made a baby countdown chain last week. Every morning, they very enthusiastically run to rip off the next link on the chain, then very excitedly run to tell me how many days are left. They are getting so excited!! (We're not counting down to my due date, but a week later just to be safe. If the baby comes earlier, it'll just be a nice surprise!)
Milestones: It's April! Baby month! Since my OB doesn't like to let moms go much more than a week over her due date, it's pretty much a guarantee that we're having a baby this month!

Baby Reeder at 30w on the left & 38w on the right.

I'd say this baby has gotten a little bigger in the past 2 months, wouldn't you? (And maybe has dropped a tiny bit?)