Happy 1st Birthday, Jack!

Dear Jack,

Happy birthday, kiddo! We are in complete disbelief that we have spent 12 full months as a family of 5. It really feels like you've always lived here, like you were always meant to be here. You are adorable, hilarious, cuddly, mega-smart, and just a little bit mischievous. You are certainly our calm child; you go with the flow and are quiet & observant. You are such a big boy now! You never crawl anymore, so it helps that you are much less wobbly on your feet. You're running - yes, running - all over the place. You love to shake your hips and dance, bouncing up & down to a fast tune. You babble all the time (you still only say "Dada" with intention) and love to make silly noises with your mouth. You learned to sign "ball" and "please" this month, the latter of which is often done feverishly when you're begging for a snack :) Here are a few of your favorite and not-so-favorite things these days:

Favorites
Spoons - You have a strange fascination with spoons. You can often be found walking around the house holding a play spoon. And if Mommy gives you your spoon to hold after feeding you yogurt, it keeps you entertained for a solid 10 minutes. Pretty soon you'll be ready to learn how to use one to feed yourself!
Snack Time - This is still your favorite time of day! You are always trying to steal snacks from the big kids. While Cheerios and puffs are still pretty common snacks for you, you also like to eat Baby Goldfish and chew on pretzel rods.
Crayons - Your brother & sister don't always remember to pick up their crayons, & you are like a moth to a flame when it comes to finding them. They must taste good, because you are constantly eating them (yuck!) It's only a matter of time before you start leaving your very colorful mark all over our walls/furniture!
Being outside - You love love love being outdoors! Your favorite thing to do is swing on our playground, but you're slowly starting to enjoy just running in the grass. We can't let the big kids go outside to play unless we're prepared to take you out as well or else you get so mad!
Balloons - You are a big fan of balloons! Like most kids, your eyes get huge when you look up at a balloon floating in the sky. And you love banging them. You even try to say the word, which comes out "boo!"
Mommy - You are such a Mama's boy! You are very comfortable with Daddy and think your siblings are the bees' knees and you're even pretty comfortable with our extended family and friends. But nobody has your heart quite like Mommy. You are intensely shy, burying your face in Mommy's shoulder when we're in public as if you're looking to me for protection. We're still working through some separation anxiety, too. Mommy often has to hide from you when you're in the arms of someone else or you instantly start reaching/crying for me. While we know you'll get over that part of it, Mommy sincerely hopes you are a Mama's boy your whole life!

Not-so-favorites
Preschool drop-off - Your love for your siblings runs deep (to be honest, it's mostly Brooke.) It is most evident in the drop-off circle at preschool. You hate it when the kids leave you to go to school! The moment you hear their seat belts unclick, you go into hysterics. We now wait until the last possible second in the drop-off line to unbuckle to avoid some of your drama, but you are in tears every single day when we drive away.
Riding in the car - The beginning of this month was tough in the car with you. Out of nowhere, you suddenly hated being in the car, screaming whenever we strapped you in until we took you out. No amount of bribes (we even tried your first lollipop!) or friends sitting in the back with you worked. When you finally got quiet, Mommy would immediately stop talking because the second you heard my voice you'd start screaming again. The most bizarre part was that you'd scream the loudest when we stopped the car and opened the doors to get out, like you thought we were going to leave you in the car while we did something fun without you. We're happy to report that you're quickly getting out of that very loud phase; you still whine on occasion and always cry at preschool drop-off, but otherwise you're a pretty mild boy in the car.
Raw tomatoes - This is seriously the only food you have turned down. Tomatoes are not your thing, but apparently everything else is (including asparagus, couscous, pulled pork, & cauliflower - some things your Mommy didn't eat until adulthood.)

You've ended your first year a whole lot bigger than you started. You went from 10 lbs 4 oz up to 27 lbs 4 oz and from 21.5 inches to 32.5 inches. You're off the charts for height & head size and right at the top of the weight chart. You're wearing size 4 diapers, size 18M clothes, and size 5 shoes. You sleep like a champ, sleeping 11-12 hours at night with 2 naps during the day. And you go right to bed without a single fuss, sometimes even playing in your bed before finally drifting off. You will eat anything and everything, and you have pretty good table manners for a 1-year-old (we haven't entered the drop-everything-on-the-floor and smush-bananas-in-my-hair phases yet.) Between the amazing eating and sleeping habits, you're making our job very easy, buddy!

This has been the greatest year of our lives, Jack! Being your Mom & Dad has brought us immense joy. We are so excited to see where this next year takes you, as well as the many, many years after that. Thank you for being the sweet, lovable boy that you are. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents! We love you to the moon & back!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Lately, via Instagram.

Life has been crazytown around here. Busy busy busy, and it's not going to slow down anytime soon. Blogging is just not something I have enough time for these days, but I'm still throwing out quick glimpses of our life on Instagram. This has been our life over the last few months.

 

He's saving those for later. #cheerioseverywhere

 He doesn't seem to care that it's Monday. #lovehim

 And for my next trick, I shall entertain a baby while I make his siblings' breakfast.

 Two-thirds of the tiny humans have 101 degree fevers. This one has enough energy for all 3 of them.

 Bronchiolitis. Ear infection. World's saddest cough. Rough week around here for this guy. #3sickkids #imexhausted

Finally pulling his weight around here. #startemyoung #9months

 Started off the day with my favorite #ValentinesDay tradition - a festive breakfast, complete with candy hearts. #lovethem

 "Um, a little help here, Mom?" #babyjail

 How he felt yesterday when the big kids played out in the snow without him is exactly how I feel today waking up to more snow & another day of cancelled preschool. #whoiscomingtoentertainthesekids

 School's cancelled? I'm putting you to work. #howtosurviveasnowday

I'm not sure what this stuff is or why it's so cold, but I don't hate it! #snowbaby

 This guy & his "hockey-talkie" have everything under control on this chilly Monday morning. #preschoolisopenagain #hallelujah

He's been desperate to come outside for months. Greatest. Day. Ever.

Me: I gave you a banana since it's your favorite fruit.

J: No, cookies & brownies are.

#youandmebothkid

 Snack time. #theanklecross #icanthandleit

 Starting off the season in the Diamond Club pretty much ensures all future games will be a slight let-down. #tinyredsfan

 Always choose snuggling over cleaning.

 She made me "grilled chicken with white cheddar & an avocado mousse, with sautéed mushrooms & peas on the side." Too much Food Network for this one.

 Spring, we officially love you. #andthenhelickedthechalk

 Fridays are for letting your baby smear yogurt everywhere. Because #yolo.

A dozen.

I've officially been with this guy for a dozen years. Considering we've been together for our entire adulthood, it really does feel like forever.

We were just babies when it all began; now, we've got 3 kids & a mortgage that prove we're bona-fide grown-ups. We're deep in the woods of parenting, but we're hanging onto each other for survival. Our relationship has evolved, & I think he'd agree with me that it's better than ever.

This beautiful life I'm living is a direct result of that first date 12 years ago. I feel so blessed to be living it with him.

Eleven.

Dear Jack,

What a grown-up month this has been for you, Jack-Jack! You are a full-blown walking toddler!! In about a week's time, you went from taking a few nervous steps to walking across the room. It's so fun to watch! Your transformation into toddlerhood is evident in so many  ways now. Your 4th tooth came in, giving you this big boy smile that completely melts Mommy's heart. Those big teeth are helping you chomp your way through so much table food, with baby food seriously on its way out (we give you maybe 3-4 jars a week.) You still LOVE to eat & would eat all day if we'd let you. While you have an incredibly healthy appetite, we've introduced a few sweets to you this month (including your first ice cream cone!) much to your delight. You certainly have your Mama's sweet tooth! You learned to sign "milk", "fish", and are just learning "please". You babble all the time with lots of consonant sounds, though you're still not really using any words. You clap and wave on command, both of which are super adorable. Here are some of the things that have excited you (and some you're not so fond of) this month:

Favorites
Reading books - Last month you were only interested in playing with your books; now, you love to read them! You are constantly digging through your book bins looking for the right one, then sitting on the floor flipping pages. You especially enjoy the touch-&-feel books, and you know exactly what parts to feel on each page. Your face lights up when we tell you to go get a book for us to read - you never pass up the chance to be read to.
Playing ball - Your love for playing ball is growing each day! You can chase a ball around the house for quite a long time without getting bored. You are getting better at "throwing" it - you excitedly wave it up and down until it slips out of yours hands.
Walking - You choose to walk instead of crawl 90% of the time. You seem to really appreciate how easy it is to carry something when you walk versus crawling. You're getting faster every day, though you still plop down on your bottom all the time.
Going outside - You are still a huge fan of the outdoors! If any member of the family heads outside without you, you get very vocal. Walking in the grass is a little difficult with your unsteady feet, but you'll be running around out there in no time!
The Laundry Room - We think you know you're not supposed to go into the laundry room and that's why you love it so much - like the forbidden fruit, if you will. You make a mad dash for it anytime we leave the doors open. You spend most of your time in there playing with Daddy's Powerades on the floor or emptying the pantry.

Not-so-favorites
Shoes - Now that you're walking, we trying to remember to put shoes on you when we leave the house. You are not a big fan of wearing shoes, though you are slowly getting used to them. Most of the time, you refuse to walk when you're wearing them (although it might have something to do with being around strangers - you're still pretty bashful!)
The Baby Gate - Because your favorite activity is to climb stairs but you haven't yet mastered how to get back down (you took your first tumble down this week), the baby gate has become a necessity. You don't like being restricted, especially when we hop over the gate to go upstairs without you. Get used to the gate, Buddy; it's not going anywhere for a while.
TV - You are completely disinterested in TV, leaving us completely baffled. TV is kinda our thing, Jack. We're not movie or music people or heavy readers or artists - we love TV. All of us. When the kids are watching a show, it doesn't capture your attention at all. Mommy thought it might be that the content was too mature for you, so we tried Elmo. You couldn't care less about that furry red monster that used to captivate your siblings. This is uncharted territory for us.

Jack, you are the happiest little guy all of the time. It's so hard to come up with things you don't like because everything in life excites you. You are not much of a cuddler these days - you're too busy for that - but you do give us the most amazing hugs! You wrap those arms around our neck and squeeze. And if you see us hugging each other or one of your siblings, you don't like to be left out of the action. You crawl right on over with a giant smile, eager to get some love too :)

We love you, kiddo! One month to go until the big birthday!!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Parenting.

You guys.

Seriously.

Parenting is tough.

I know...what a totally original thought, huh? You've read the articles and heard the cries of other parents and all that jazz already. But it's my turn to harp on the subject for a minute. Because I'm in it deep and constantly feel like I'm struggling to stay afloat.

No matter what season of parenting you're in, it's hard. And I know this to be true, even for the years ahead that I have yet to experience. How do I know this if I haven't been there? Because when I only had one little friend at home and she couldn't talk or do anything for herself, I thought "Man, this is hard. I have no one to talk to & I have to do everything for this kid. It will be so much easier when she's independent." And then she became independent, walking & talking & fetching her own diapers/sippy cups/etc. But it wasn't easier; it was harder. Because "Get out of that cabinet!" and "You forgot to say please." and "Oh my god, do you ever stop talking?" Independence comes with a price, y'all. And I thought to myself, "Man, this is hard. I don't know how to discipline a toddler and keep up with her while I'm gigantically pregnant. It will be so much easier when I'm not pregnant anymore & I have a sleepy newborn & this chickadee finally understands the rules around here." Ha! How adorably naïve I was. You guessed it - 2 kids was so much harder.

I could go on & on because every stage we've been in has been tough. Exhausting. Taxing. And, in every stage, I've thought to myself "It'll be easier when..." And yes, some things are easier. A 5-year-old that can spoon-feed the 10-month-old his yogurt and a 3-year-old that can put on his own shoes...these things are what I was imagining would make my life a piece of cake. But I didn't account for the other 900 new challenges that would arise. It's just...sigh...overwhelming.

I'm constantly battling with myself over this feeling. I know things could be harder right now. I know other families are struggling far more than I am. I know I should be grateful for all of the blessings we have and just suck it up. But because others are suffering more than me, because others have been dealt a more trying hand, does that diminish the feelings I'm having? Does that make this sensation of complete physical, mental, & emotional exhaustion less real?

Am I allowed to feel that the stage I'm in right now is really hard, even if it's not harder than what others are facing?

I'm finally in a place where I'm saying: yes. I am allowed. Because parenting is tough, no matter how many you have and how old your kids are. And right now, with 3 tiny humans at my feet, this is hard.

The biggest vein running through all of the difficulty is pressure. The pressure is suffocating. Parenting is just one pressure after another. I used to babysit in high school. Sure, there's a great deal of responsibility with babysitting - you're being trusted with someone's kids, their whole world! I thought there wasn't much of a difference between that & parenting. And then I brought my first child home from the hospital and I distinctly remember thinking "Crap. We have to make all of the decisions now. It's all on us." Because, when you babysit, you're not in charge of making the giant decisions. You know, the ones that affect what kind of person she will become, how healthy & happy she will be. The big stuff. And that? That right there is an incredible amount of pressure.

No one else decides what school they're going to go to and what time bedtime should be. It's up to us to figure out how to get 5 servings of fruits & veggies into their little bellies each day. We are the ones that implemented the "no TV after dinner" rule and the books-before-bed routine. A babysitter comes in & just facilitates the routine that the parents set in place. It's all on us.

No one else has to figure out how to answer all the questions these guys come up with. You should have heard me explain to my preschooler why his arm falls asleep sometimes (I am a pro at dumbing things down to the appropriate level now.) But the questions aren't always as simple as "why don't birds have fingers." I got to explain to my 5-year-old why her preschool went on lockdown last week. (Yes, lockdown. Like, kids sitting in silence, hiding under the backpacks, lights out, etc. There was an armed man in the area, so the police put the preschool on lockdown. I'm still trying to forget the feeling of pulling up to school and finding out the doors were locked & I couldn't get my daughter.) How much do you tell them? There's a lot of evil in the world, but at what age are they ready to handle the details? The teachers won't explain it; that falls on the parents to decide. (For the record, I told her that a bad person was in the area so the preschool director just wanted to keep everybody extra safe for a little bit. She was cool with that answer.)

I like to tell myself that we're doing an okay job. We've been doing this for over 5 years now, everybody is alive and seemingly happy. We got complimented at a restaurant last week for our well-behaved crew, specifically on how well-mannered the big kids were. (Compliments like that, even from complete strangers, are what keep me going. Positive affirmation is totally my love language.) So there are moments where it feels like we've got things under control. Then days like yesterday happen, and I start doubting everything we've done up to this point. (Aha! You were wondering what sparked this rainy Friday's parenting rant, weren't you?)

Last night, the husband and I had to forego a VERY much-needed date night in the name of discipline. Ok, he didn't need it so much as me; I was desperate for a break from the 4ft-&-under crowd. A stubborn 3-year-old who refused to take a nap & was threatened that no nap = no Grandma's house stood in the way of my break.

Discipline is such a struggle around here - how to do it effectively based on age, how high can the expectations really be, what can and can't we let slide by. We have very high expectations (if you don't expect good behavior, you're not going to get it!) so there are hard & fast rules with accompanying consequences. The well-mannered, decently-behaved kids are a product of these rules, so I know we aren't being unreasonable.

But here's the thing about consequences and kids - they suck for the parents almost more than they suck for the kids. No snack? I get to listen to you whine about how hungry you are. No TV? I just lost my 22 minutes of quiet while I try to get something done. No Grandma's house? There goes my date night. And it's soooooo tempting to give in, to not follow through on the threats. Thank goodness for the husband's resolve or I might have given in last night. The 3-year-old would have received mixed messages all so Mommy could indulge in wine & pasta & bread (all the bread!) Instead, a hard lesson was learned with the hope of a better outcome in the future...and I had a PB&J.

As hard as it was for me to get past all the "woe is me" that was going through my head last night, I know it was a small victory in our giant parenting war. (I didn't hear a peep out of that boy at nap time today; those eyes were shut before I started downstairs.) So I know it's working. It's just hard, a constant fight, a daily question of "Are they really getting this? Are all of these lessons sinking in?"

If you can get past all of the pressure of turning these little blobs into contributing members of society, there are a million other things that make parenting a struggle. Like the fact that you have to be on at all times. Prepared for anything & everything. This is the part where I'm going to be stereotypical & say that us Moms have it worse in this area. Just look at the family at the table next to you at the restaurant. Who brought the bibs & the spoons & the sippy cups & the fruit cups & the puffs & the crayons? And who whips out the Goldfish & the stickers & the pacifier from her big bag of tricks when the food is taking just a little too long? And how did all of those things get into the big bag in the first place? Mom. What did Dad have to bring? The van keys. (Disclaimer: I have a very helpful husband who is quick to fill up my diaper bag when needed, but not without some direction.) It's just my job to know exactly what we're going to need at any given point in the future. Just like it's my job to know when the baby needs his next well-check at the pediatrician & when the big kids have to go the dentist next & which day we have to send in Easter napkins for the preschool party. Are their green shirts clean for St. Patrick's Day? Do we have enough milk to get through breakfast? It's on me to keep track of whose turn it is to eat their half of the yogurt out of the cup it comes in versus just a bowl (this is a very big deal around here.)

Oh hey, more pressure.

I know the husband is dealing with his own separate set of pressures, big things that are constantly weighing on him that I don't feel - being the sole monetary provider, weighing his free time between family & leisure, just trying to get home before 6:00 to help while I make dinner. I don't want to diminish these in any way. It just goes to show that every parent is being mentally pulled in a million directions. And it's hard for all of us. And even though my hardships are different than someone else's, we're all struggling through it in our own way.

Parenting is tough.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a bowl of ice cream on the counter & an episode of Scandal in the DVR that are calling my name. God bless bedtime.

The big ten.

Dear Jack,

Oh my goodness, when did you get so big? You're almost a toddler, and we're having a hard time believing it! This time next month, we'll be sending out invitations to your first birthday already. When did that happen, Jack?! We've had another fun & exciting month with you. You're sleeping through the night like a rockstar (Hallelujah!) You take 2 naps a day, 1 short and 1 long, though not always at the same times (sometimes the long one is in the morning, other times it's in the afternoon.) And the greatest part of all is that we can put you in bed without a single fuss from you! You've accepted your fate and just snuggle into your pillow with your bear (yes, a pillow...shhh, don't tell the pediatrician!) You started waving this month, which is so sweet! You're also giving high fives...kinda. If someone holds up their hand, you give them one finger. Then if they offer up just a finger, you give your whole hand. It's pretty darn cute to watch! And you're now the proud owner of tooth #3, something we've been waiting for quite a while. Here are some of your favorite and not-so-favorite things this month:

Favorites
Snacks - You love food so, so, so much. You'll eat absolutely anything at any time. And we don't really know how it happened, but you're already as demanding of snacks as your siblings! If you see the big kids with a snack, you whine and cry and just plain freak out until they share or until we give you your own snack. It's a good thing puffs are super low-calorie!
Scavenging in the kitchen - Your number one pastime is exploring the kitchen floor for even more snacks. You aren't exactly the cleanest eater, so there are always dropped treasures underneath your high chair. We try our hardest to keep you out of there, but you're pretty fast these days! (We know what you're thinking: "Why don't you just keep the floor clean, Mom & Dad?" Physically impossible, buddy.)
The Bathtub - Every time you crawl up the stairs, you beeline for the bathtub. You would spend your entire day in there if you could. You have the greatest time splashing around and playing with all the bath toys. You've gotten to take a bath in the big tub (instead of your little blue tub) with your siblings a few times and love it!
Books - You have developed a love for books this month, something that makes us very happy! While you're still at the 'plays with book' versus 'reads books' stage, we know this is just the first step in becoming a bookworm like your siblings. If we tell you to go get a book, you'll crawl over, pick one, and either start flipping through it or bring it to us. Reading books with you before bedtime is one of Mommy's favorite times of the day. 
Walking with assistance - You are soooo close to walking on your own and so eager to do it! You love to push toys and walk behind them or hold our hands while you toddle around the house.
Joe - It has taken a while, but you're finally a big fan of Joe! He has always been a little too rambunctious and wild for you. But now that you're bigger and much more playful, you don't mind how insane he is! You like sitting next to him in the playroom, watching him play with his cars or Legos while you eat them. And he has gotten much better at entertaining you when we need him to. This is just the beginning of what will undoubtedly be quite a friendship!

Not-so-favorites
Being told "No" - You've reached that lovely stage of babyhood where you get into EVERYTHING. You're strong and a good climber, so nothing is safe. While you don't seem to consciously be testing boundaries, you're starting to do things that just aren't safe (like climbing on the fireplace or pulling cords) so we tell you "no" and move you to something else. You do not appreciate the redirection! You're very smart and know what you want so you go right back for it. Each time we say "no, Jack" you get quite upset!
Car rides - You just downright hate riding in the car. No matter how many toys we give you, you start screaming the moment we start to strap you in. You're even arching your back when we try to buckle you, too. (Word to the wise: that's a game you will lose every time.) It seems to be a tiny bit better if the big kids are in the car with us (but boy are you sad when we drop them off at school!) We usually just give you a pacifier, pile toys in your lap, and pray you'll calm down.

You are quite a chatty little boy! You babble all day long. In fact, if it gets quiet, it means one of 2 things: you found a pacifier or you're up to no good. You are constantly trying to climb the stairs (one of your most favorite things to do) so it's the first place we look if it's too quiet. You're starting to mimic sounds, trying to form the sounds you hear with your mouth. For example, we're trying to teach you the sign for milk. Every time we make a bottle for you, we point to it and say "milk" while making the sign. While you pick up your fist to copy the sign, you put your lips together like you're trying to make the "mmm" sound. You still say "mama" and "dada", though not directed at either one of us. And you're starting to say what sounds like "hi" on occasion. It's so exciting to be able to communicate with you!

It's really not possible to explain how much of a joy you have been in our lives these past 10 months. You just make everything so much better. Mommy tells you every day, "I couldn't love you more", and that's definitely the case for both of us. We love you to pieces!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Mr. Jack.

This happy boy has officially been out of my belly longer than he was in it. While my pregnancy with him felt like it lasted forever, these past 9+ months with him have absolutely raced by. It has been one hell of an adventure so far!

The leap from 1 to 9 is pretty astonishing. When was he ever that little?!

Also, I cropped out most of the thighs from these - you're welcome, 11-year-old Jack.

Oh and also, it makes me sad how inconsistent the lighting is in these. Thanks to our house, the Land of No Natural Lighting, these are taken in his nursery (which catches the afternoon sun) at the mercy of the weather gods, who are not always kind to us.