I've just about completed my 3rd pregnancy. Each pregnancy comes with a whole wave of perspective that can only come with experience. I can only imagine what kind of wisdom my mom had by pregnancy #6. Now that I can see the finish line, I've realized that there are some glaring differences between my first pregnancy and this third one.
Pregnancy #1: I didn't walk around at the end, I floated. Don't get me wrong, I looked like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade float. But I felt like I was on a cloud, all proud of my bump & blissfully unaware of how gigantic I was.
Pregnancy #3: I'm VERY VERY aware of how gigantic I am right now. And I am equally aware of the fact that I am not, in fact, floating around but waddling quite awkwardly as I carry around 40 extra pounds.
Pregnancy #1: I struggled with insomnia the last 2 weeks before my induction. I'd wake up to pee and then my mind would start fantasizing about life with a newborn & I'd be wide awake. I was up for 1-2 hours in the middle of each night, snacking on the couch and playing around on the computer by the light of the Christmas tree. I then napped during the day to make up for the lack of sleep.
Pregnancy #3: I'm sleeping like a champ. Thanks to the little crazies I chase around all day, I am beyond exhausted. I am asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow. There's no fantasizing; I know that in less than 2 weeks I'm never going to sleep again, so I'm enjoying what I can get now.
Pregnancy #1: I assumed everyone thought I was such an adorable pregnant lady.
Pregnancy #3: I can see the look of pity in your eyes. I see you staring at me as I struggle to walk through the grocery store. And I definitely saw you -Lady at that funeral visitation- look at me, shake your head, and sigh as you passed me. I get that you've never seen anyone look more pregnant, certainly not helped by the fact that my maternity clothes are too small making me look that much bigger.
Pregnancy #1: The night before I was induced, I mentioned to my mom that my belly kept getting super tight and uncomfortable. She explained to me that these were contractions. Completely & blissfully unaware.
Pregnancy #3: For 3 months, I've been having contractions. Three months. Lately, a few have even stopped me in my tracks. Three. Months. Of. Contractions. People.
Pregnancy #1: I pulled a suitcase out of the near-empty closet in the spare bedroom the day I hit 36 weeks. I filled it with everything baby & I would need, including freshly washed newborn sleepers & sanitized pacifiers for both genders. I packed pre-pregnancy shirts and sweats for the ride home. I had snacks and magazines ready and started a list of what we'd need to throw in at the last minute when my water broke and we were rushing out the door to get to the hospital.
Pregnancy #3: I'm thinking about getting the suitcase out of the basement tomorrow. (We used to have empty closets? What the hell is a spare bedroom?) Then I'll have to wait until the next day to fill it because I'll be out of breath from going all the way downstairs to get it. We got a free pacifier in our "You're pregnant!" gift bag from the OB's office, so I'll sanitize that one to take. (Our baby girl can use a lime green pacifier for a night in the hospital, right?) And instead of packing them, I'll set the size 3 month sleepers we bought on my washing machine for one of my family members to come wash overnight while we're in the hospital. No sense in wasting money on a sleeper that might be the wrong gender or size (you know, when this 11-pounder comes out and needs size 6 months from the start.) I'll pack maternity shirts & large drawstring sweats for myself, remembering how sobering it was to put on those pre-pregnancy shirts after my first delivery. (When you still look 6 months pregnant the day after pushing out a 9.5 lb baby, you almost cry.) I won't bother with a last-minute list because I'll have plenty of time to leisurely finish packing the bag next week on the morning of my induction.
Pregnancy #1: I thought I knew exactly what it was going to be like to have a baby & become a mother.
Pregnancy #3: I realize that I knew nothing about what it was going to be like to have a baby & become a mother to my first child. I also realize that I knew nothing about what it'd be like to have 2 children. Likewise, I understand that I know nothing about what it will be like to have 3 children. But I do know what it's like to be a mother. I know what it's like to bring home your fresh-from-the-womb newborn, to pull away from the hospital with that feeling of "I can't believe they just let us leave the hospital with this tiny person." I know how hard those first 72 hours are, when the baby's needs greatly exceed the amount of energy you have yet you somehow manage to make it through. And I know how quickly my heart will burst as I watch my perfect little family become even more perfect.
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