Tiny Humans Club.

So often I think to myself that the little people in this house must have some sort of club meetings, a club whose sole purpose is to come up with ways to deplete my patience. The toddler would clearly be the leader of the club because, let's face it, that girl possesses some serious dictator qualities. She'd probably let Joe be the secretary or something (every club needs a secretary.) Anyway, I imagine the meetings go a little like this:

B: Ok, so how can we mess with Mommy this week? Aaaand, go!
J: Well...I could have a diaper blowout.
B: Rookie! You can do better than that. I'm going to color on the couch with a Sharpie again, right after I put stickers on the TV stand. She's at her wit's end with stickers these days! 
J: I could spit out my pacifier a kajillion times in a row and do some serious hair pulling. The hair pulling really gets her goat. But honestly? That's what she gets for letting her hair grow out so long.
B: That's better, but we need more. Oh, I know! I'll wiggle enough that my diaper gets all out of whack and I leak through my pants right when we get to a restaurant. I can also splash a ton of water out of the bathtub, drop 50% of my lunch on the floor, & ask for juice 37 times in a row until she gives in and just gives it to me.
J: I don't know how to do those big kid things, but I'm a rockstar at crying! I can whine incessantly for absolutely no reason.
B: Perfect, I'll do that, too. And I'll throw the world's biggest tantrum the next time she tries to put me in a shopping cart. I'm talking lie on the gross floor in the middle of Target, with jelly legs when she tries to make me stand up & arms flailing about.
J: I have so much to learn...
B: I think we've got a solid plan going here. Now all we have to do is iron out the middle-of-the-night Wake Up Schedule and we're all set.
J: I've got the cry-out-every-30-minutes-until-she-feeds-me part covered...
B: ...and I'll wake up once or twice & cry because I can't find my pappy/bunny/seahorse just to liven things up a bit. Maybe I'll even run into the hallway screaming at 2 am; that scares the life out her. OK, plan is set, so this meeting is adjourned. Until next week, brother...

And then I imagine they do some sort of secret handshake and go on their merry way.

Yep, my kids are crafty. I wouldn't put this sort of devious plotting past them. Some days they are like a well oiled patience-eradicating machine. And while I know full well that they don't do any of it on purpose or with malicious intent, they are so in synch with their craziness sometimes that I almost have to laugh.

Except, the joke's on me...