Grocery stores.

(This post was originally written on 1/24/2011, at 9w1d pregnant.)

I love being pregnant. I loved the full 41+ weeks of it the first time, and so far I love it this time. I don’t always like it – the nausea is the worst, I could live without the exhaustion, and holy hormones! – but I just love being pregnant. That whole “I am woman, hear me roar” thing comes into play a bit, like “Um, I’m growing a LIFE. What have you done today?” It’s such a crazy-awesome feeling, knowing that all this crap leads up to something so incredibly great. Pregnancy is the bee’s knees.

Until I step foot into the grocery store, that is. There may be young, childless women reading this, thinking to themselves “Don’t pregnant women love food? The grocery store seems like it would be your Mecca.” Let me set you straight, girls. The grocery store is THE WORST when you’re pregnant. And at all stages of pregnancy, too. Something I totally forgot until I, like an idiot, went today....before lunch....by myself. Huge mistake.

Let me set the scene for you. There I am, browsing the produce section, thinking to myself “I can do this, it’s not so bad.” I mosey past the onions and potatoes, and there it sits. The Deli Counter. Miraculously, there isn’t a line (I say miraculously because most people have figured out that the packaged, pre-sliced meat just doesn’t measure up). So I order my low-sodium turkey for Brooke and patiently stand there waiting. And that’s when it hits me - the smell of rotisserie chicken & chicken pot pies & baked goods, etc. And then I glance down and am met with the sight of days-old potato salad and pre-cooked stuffed pork tenderloin (seriously, people buy that?) Not to mention the olive and hummus bars are right behind me - blech. And the combination of all of this is enough to make me want to throw up my breakfast in the tiny trash can they provide to throw away your little number. Somehow I fought the urge to do it just as they handed me my turkey. But Brooke loves her some colby cheese, so I was forced to stand there a few minutes more. I was so exhausted by the time I had my cheese that the rest of the store was almost too much to handle.

Going later in the pregnancy is no picnic, either. Inevitably, whatever I need is always on the bottom or top shelves, never in the middle (maybe that’s because I’m cheap and try not to buy the fancy name brands from the companies that pay for those middle shelves....) And, especially when I’m pregnant, it seems the universe is craving the exact same things as me because the shelf is always empty. Ever seen a pregnant lady on her hands and knees trying to reach to the back of the bottom shelf to get the last box of granola bars? It’s not pretty, folks. Also not easy is reaching way up high to get something with a giant belly getting in the way.

I think OB’s should make it a rule that after 36 weeks, a woman just isn’t allowed in a grocery store anymore, especially alone. It’s the most exhausting thing, like, ever. And because it’s just so tiring to go, you don’t go often enough to need less than a full cart when you do go. Pushing a full cart when you’re already carrying an extra load is tough, friends. And, if you haven’t noticed, most stores are ginormous. I’m ready for a nap by the time I get to the ethnic foods section, and I still have to get through the other 70% of the store!

I’m telling ya, naive childless ladies – steer clear of Kroger when you finally get that bun in the oven. It’s just too much. And if you have to go, avoid the Deli Counter like the plague. You’re not supposed to be eating deli meat when you’re pregnant anyway...

I promise this won’t be the last time you hear me whining about this. Why? Because my family needs to eat over the next 7 months. And, also, I like soapboxes.