Worries.

Is she going to be cold with the thermostat at 69? Should I go down and turn it up to 70? What will I feed her for breakfast tomorrow? Is she getting enough to eat now that she's on solids? Should I be giving her more breastmilk? Will she start to hate veggies if I introduce more fruits? When was the last time she pooped? Wait, did she just grunt or was that something else? Is she waking up again? If I feed her now, when do I think she'll get up again? If she gets up by X o'clock, will she have enough time for a morning nap before we have to leave? If I get up an hour before that, will she sleep long enough for me to shower? Did I turn the monitor off downstairs before I came up? Did I pack enough diapers in the diaper bag for the whole day tomorrow? Oh crap, did she just grunt again? Did I remember to wash her pink pajamas in that load of baby laundry I did today? When is her next doctor's appointment? Will she still be way off the charts? Should we be concerned she's so far off the charts? Did I put her teething ring back in the fridge for tomorrow? When is that second tooth going to pop up? Do I know where the Baby Orajel is in case she needs it in the middle of the night? OK, that was definitely a grunt. How long should I let her cry before I go in?

...and it goes on and on.

This is why I can't go right to sleep at night. This is why I can't fall right back to sleep after getting up with her each of the 6 times she's up during the night. This is why I go up to bed at 9:30 and am still awake at 11 when the husband comes to bed. I'm constantly thinking, wondering about all things Brooke. She is my first and last thought of every day and a significant majority of the ones in between. When I was pregnant, no one told me I'd spend my whole day worrying about her well-being and if I'm doing an okay job parenting her. It's constant.

Does the husband have this problem, too? Doubtful. The man is asleep within 60 seconds of his head hitting one of his 4 pillows (yes, that's right, the man that gave me so much crap about all my pillows when I was pregnant now sleeps with 4.) It's not because he doesn't care, but because he knows I'll take care of all of it. I'm the mom - it's my job. And, frankly, I love that he trusts that I'll take care of it all.

But that's not to say I wouldn't mind one worry-free night's sleep now and again. Surely it'll happen one day, right? I know, I know, not likely. Because I know for a fact that my mom still worries about all of us...and now her grandkids, too. I wonder if "When was the last time Brooke pooped?" is in her thoughts as she tries to fall asleep...

(p.s. The pic above is the aftermath of a teething meltdown, hence the wet eyes. Love this picture of my pretty girl with her hazel eyes and long eyelashes - she gets those from her Daddy.)