This baby has taken over my entire world in just a couple short weeks. It's quite incredible, really. My body is no longer mine alone; it belongs to a wee little one with a tiny beating heart (so weird to think there are 2 beating hearts inside of me...) And this little one reminds me of this AT ALL TIMES. There isn't a single minute that goes by in a day that I'm not thinking about him or her. All of my pregnancy symptoms have just become catalysts for the billions of thoughts that go through this head on a daily basis.
I'm constantly worried - worried I'm not eating enough, worried I'm not getting enough sleep (still not sleeping at all - holy insomnia!), worried something terribly catastrophic will happen. I'm even worried this pregnancy is going to pass me by and I will have been too busy worrying to enjoy it. I need reassurance, but unfortunately I'm 2.5 weeks away from getting that reassurance.
May 14th should be a great day. It's the day I have my first prenatal visit. The day the doctor should be able to relieve some of my worries. The day I finally get to see my parents' faces as they find out their baby girl is having a baby of her own. The day I get to tell my sister she's about to become an aunt for the first time. The day I get a whole new kind of support system - experienced child-bearers - that I so desperately need right now. May 14th, please hurry.
Until then, I will keep leaning on my husband for help. His support is all that is carrying me through right now. I can tell he's trying, just wading in uncharted waters. After reading some "What to Expect" books this weekend, I think he understands even better how very real this is for me. I had a sneaking suspicion that once he got all the facts (i.e. the biological reasoning behind all of my symptoms), he'd be more sympathetic. The back rubs at night, dinner clean-up, and hugs are all helping more than he knows. I am a lucky girl.
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